Wedding Rings and Southern Husbands
by zoey zink
Summary: Edward brings a seemingly human Bella home and a lot eyebrows are raised when she reveals her true identity. How does Jasper fit into her past and what is so special about a ring? NOT Bella/Jasper...sorta. AU. T for language.
1. He's Alive!

**Takes place during **_**Twilight **_**but there is no Charlie. Bella lives alone and no one really thinks about it. Bella came in Senior year so she hasn't seen Emmett, Rosalie or Jasper yet, just Alice (who cannot see the future). Also Edward can't read minds. It would ruin the suspense.**

**Bella's POV**

"Carlisle, Esme, I want you to officially meet Bella Swan," said a proud Edward.

I smiled hesitantly and blushed a bit, everything that a sweet, innocent _human _would do, everything I would have done when I was alive because they didn't know that I wasn't human, thank god for those interesting little quirks that some vampires get. I could make myself seem human in every single way but I was a vampire. Just like them. I liked to get a feel of my surroundings in 'human' form before I give up that advantage. I would probably tell Edward later today that I was actually a vampire. I hoped that he wouldn't take it too hard.

I wasn't always a vampire, I one had a life, a family. My human name was Isabella Swan Mayfield. I had parents who provided me with everything I could want and I was never lonely even though I was an only child. The reason I was never lonely is because my parents thought it would be _grand _if I was friends (i.e. spent all my time with) with the boy I was betrothed to at birth. One Jasper Whitlock who I really _really _disliked. He was forever going on and on about his wish to join the Confederate Army.

_Flashback-_

_Jasper and I were sitting by the river. He was 16 and I was 15. We never had anything to talk about and yet our parents still insisted that we spend time together, at least they let us 'bond' without a guardian to make sure that no 'inappropriate actions occurred'. Our parents must've known that we weren't even amiable toward the other, let alone attracted. The only thing that there was to talk about was the Civil War. _

_I had visited Pennsylvania last year and I was firmly on the Yankee side, though only Jasper knew it._

"_Do you still think about joining the army?" I asked once again. I was forever asking him this question. I always got the same reply. Jasper looked at me and said, "Of course. I want to be a soldier and fight for the Dixie." To which I replied, "I don't know why you want to fight for the dirty confederate side." To which he would always say, "Those Yankees don't stand a chance."_

_I saw Jasper stand up and pull off his boots._

"_Whitlock! What on earth are you doing? Has the sun addled your brain Jazzy Spazzy?" I asked. He hated that nickname._

"_What does it look like Isabella? I'm going swimming," he replied._

"_What?! That is not fair! You cannot leave me to suffer in this unbearable Texas heat alone while you cool yourself with a swim!"_

"_No one said you couldn't come in Isabella," was all that he said before diving into the river, leaving me sitting there hating him. He _knew _that I couldn't just dive into the river, it was entirely improper. _And _he was calling me Isabella when he also knows that I hate my full name._

_The next thing I felt was a splash of water and I was soaked. My beautiful white lace summer dress was covered in black mud and leaves. Ruined! He completely ruined my dress on purpose!_

"_I hate you Jasper Whitlock and the day I have to marry you will be the worst day of my life!!" I screamed before running back up to the plantation. I could hear him laughing behind me. I was so telling his Nana._

_-Flashback Over_

He was forever teasing me and doing mean things to me and I loathed him for it. His parents and my own could never see the fault in it because he was _Jasper _the amazing son. The _boy. _While I was just a girl and not nearly as important.

I lamented the day I would have to marry him. No matter how I much I prayed the day finally came. Our parents thought that considering how long we had known each other that we could marry on my 16th birthday. We did. On our wedding night we did out marital duty and then went to sleep. Well, I went to sleep. That bastard left in the middle of the night to go join the army. The only thing was, it cost money to join the army and I knew that Jasper didn't have the money to go. So instead he stole something from me. He took my wedding ring right off my finger. While I didn't particularly enjoy what the ring symbolized, it had been my great grandmother's wedding ring and it was quite beautiful. My father gave it to Jasper to give to me. Can we say cheap much?

On the Solitaire ring the center stone was had a Princess Cut with a Prong Setting and was 2.25 carats. The 5 stone wedding band had a Round Brilliant Cut also with a Prong Setting and each stone was .25 carats. The ring was on a band of 18K white gold. Truly a beautiful ring and Jasper had to steal it. I couldn't have cared less about him leaving but he had taken my ring! Even to this day, over 150 years later it still irks me.

"It's nice to meet you both. You have a beautiful home," I told both Carlisle and Esme who just smiled at me and said 'thank you'.

"Edward, why don't you call down the rest of the family so that they can meet Bella," said Esme. She was kind, as was Carlisle. I wonder what had led to their vampirism. If only I had met a vampire like either of them instead of that psycho Nettie.

_Flashback-_

_I couldn't believe that my husband had left me! Just ran away in the middle of the night, only leaving a note:_

_**Isabella,Sept. 16, 1861**_

_**I had to do this. I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't at least tried. I will come home someday, hopefully.**_

_**Your husband,**_

_**Jasper**_

_Ha! My husband for a _day. _It was mortifying that we had only been married 24 hours and Jasper decides to run away to a war where he will most likely be killed. If he _does _come back I will kill him myself for leaving!_

_I decided to take a walk in the woods to calm down. I was too angry to even contemplate sleep. Suddenly I heard a branch snap loudly from behind me. I whirled around and standing there in the moonlight was a girl in a white night shift. She was amazingly beautiful, ethereal. But there was this hunger in her eyes that scared me. Ii tried to run but she was there, everywhere I turned._

"_What are you?!" I screamed hysterically. I felt like a trapped animal._

_She smiled at me and said, "My name is Nettie. You will do nicely."_

_I could barely comprehend what she was saying I was so sick with fright. "N-nicely f-for what?" I stuttered out._

"_This." was all that she said before she lunged at my neck. I couldn't do anything as I felt like I was being set on fire._

_I burned for three days. When I awoke I didn't move or give any sign to Nettie, who had stayed, that I was alive. I silently wished that she would think that I had died and go away. Suddenly a picture came to my mind of me lying where I was looking dead. Just like I had wished._

_I felt Nettie walk toward me. It took all my will power to stay still as my instincts kept telling me too run or defend. She looked me over before sighing. _

"_Maria is going to be angry that I killed another one. Oh well. I'll catch someone else on the road and turn them into a vampire."_

_I was in shock. Even when she was gone I still didn't move. '_Vampire?' _I thought. _'This can't be happening!' _But it was true. I slowly got up and ran, never looking back._

_-Flashback Over_

Years later I figured out that the reason that Nettie thought I was dead was because my power created illusions on myself. Two actually. I could appear in human form alive and in human form dead. Yeah, it's a pretty lame power but it has come in handy over the years. After all, I could inconspicuously go out into the sun. My true form, me as a vampire, is my favorite. I can't wait until I can lift my human illusion. I look exactly like I did when I was alive and it sort of freaks me out. I know it's backwards but it is just too weird feeling like a vampire and looking like a human.

I was suddenly aware of 4 presences moving toward us. Edward's siblings. He hadn't called for them, I would've heard it, so I was guessing that they must've been listening to know when to come downstairs. He had told me that he had a sister and two brothers that I hadn't met. I didn't even know their names.

Then there were two more men and two more women in the room. I recognized Alice instantly with her petite stature and spiky black hair. She immediately gave me a hug while exclaiming "Hi Bella!" I smiled and said hello in return. I was very fond of the little vampire.

I noticed the next person for completely different reasons than Alice. This guy was huge. He had curly brown hair and the physique of a hard core body builder. He introduced himself as Emmett and also gave me a big bear hug which was so unexpected that I almost pushed him through a wall. Almost. But he was friendly, like a little kid and I thought that we could be friends.

The next person that caught my eye was the blond woman standing next to Emmett. She was one of the most beautiful vampires I had ever seen and that is saying something as I have been all over the world and seen a lot of gorgeous vampires. She has a slightly annoyed look on her face and I could instantly tell that she didn't like me. I didn't know why. She seemed very…protective of Emmett which led me to believe that they were mates. This was confirmed when she possessively wrapped her arms around Emmett before saying, "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Rosalie Hale." It was a little cold and very formal….she must really not like me. "The pleasure is mine," I replied, not backing down from her glare. I had to keep my temper in check. I wasn't as shy as I acted and to suddenly become bold would be very questionable.

Then I turned my eyes to the other man and my eyes widened in shock. He looked just like that bastard Jasper Whitlock, except he had hundreds of overlapping crescent scars. It was the first time I had looked him in the eyes and he looked taken aback as well. I saw Edward become a bit apprehensive at our reactions to each other but he said nothing. The atmosphere was tense as I extended my hand and said more calmly than I felt, "Bella Swan."

He looked at me before slowly extending his own hand and saying, "Jasper Hale."

**Alright, so it's not a cliffy, but Jasper and Bella have met and things are going to start getting good! To see a picture of the ring, look at my profile picture. I couldn't get the link to work so I put it there, lol.**

**REVIEW!!**


	2. That's My Ring!

**I always forget the Disclaimer! I forgot to put it on the first chapter but I'll put it up here:**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Twilight. **_**Obviously. **

**oOoOoOo**

I tried to hide my sharp intake of breath. So his name was Jasper. What an odd coincidence. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward and Alice frowning at us. Jasper and I were having some kind of staring contest and they probably thought that we were somehow attracted to the other. Ugh. If this was who I thought it was, then there was definitely no attraction.

"Are you Rosalie's biological brother?" I asked, fishing for the truth.

"No." he said staring at me hard. I knew it had been over 150 years and that human memories fade, so he was probably wondering who I was considering I looked exactly like I did when I was human.

The other vampires were watching our exchange with looks of puzzled curiosity. I decided to freak him out a bit. If this was Jasper, then this should get a reaction.

"Oh. You know, I had a great-great-great grandfather whose name was Jasper. Jasper Whitlock. I'm named after his wife, my great-great-great grandmother Isabella. I think he died young in the Civil War. He was on the dirty confederate side," I said. I was trying so hard not to laugh. Jasper's eyes had gone huge at the mention of my 'lineage' thinking that I had had a child and narrowed when I had said 'dirty confederate side.' Typical.

Everyone's eyes widened when I had said 'Jasper Whitlock' and widened even further when I trashed the confederates.

"Really? How interesting. But I don't think that it would be called the 'dirty confederate side.' He should've been proud to fight for the Dixie," He replied.

"Hmm…well yes, I suppose," I mused while looking casually around the room before locking my eyes with his and finishing, "I guess he just thought those Yankees didn't stand a chance."

Now Jasper's eyes were unbelievably big while everyone else looked confused.

"How?" he breathed.

"How what, Jasper?" I asked, slipping into a southern drawl I hadn't used in over a century.

"Isabella!" he snapped, shocking the rest of his family who had never seen Jasper loose his perpetual calm.

"_Don't_ call me that. You know I hate it." I said causing everyone to switch their incredulous stares to me.

"You are infuriating _Isabella. _You know what I mean! _Why do you look and smell like a human?!" _Now everyone was looking really confused.

Finally Carlisle asked the question that everyone was thinking, "Alright, could someone please explain what is going on here?"

"Yes, Isabella. Please explain why you look and sound like your whiney 16 year old self." Bit out Jasper.

"Ugh! Stop calling me Isabella! You want to know what happened? This did," I said, dropping the illusion.

Edward was gaping silently at me. While everyone else seemed to just take it in stride, which was unexpected, but nice.

I turned to Edward and said, "I'm sorry, Edward. I was planning on telling you tonight. I'm, uh, actually a vampire. Surprise!" I finished lamely. "It's my power. I can appear human, or I can appear dead."

Edward was still processing this when I heard a snort come from Jasper.

"_That _is your power? Human or dead? That's lame, Isabella," said Jasper.

Righteous indignation welled up in me as I turned to face Jasper. "Shut up you jackass! No one cares what you think!" I said nastily. The Cullens were just watching this train wreck like a tennis match.

"You are still such a baby, Isabella," was all he said in reply while wearing that I'm-older-and-superior smirk that I loathed.

"Baby?! You jerk! You are only a year older than me! And stop calling me Isabella, Jazzy Spazzy,"

Emmett muffled a laugh at the nickname and I sent a 'ha!' look at Jasper.

"Oh please. I was bitten in 1863. I was 20. You look 14."

"What?! I _do not _look 14! And you know that I wasn't bitten at 14, idiot. I'm 16! And I don't care if you were bitten at 20 because you were _born _only a year before me! Actually, since I was bitten in 1861 I've been a vampire longer than you have so HA!" I yelled. This was building into one of 'our fights.' Our parents had given it a term because we clashed so often.

"1861?" he asked, clearly remembering the significance of the year. It looked like no one else did so that meant that they never knew about me. Lying asshole.

"Mhm, yeah, I was bitten the night of September 16, 1861 in the woods behind my house."

"What were you doing walking in the woods at night?" he asked me as if I was some sort of imbecile. That jerk wasn't even fazed by the fact that I was bitten two days after our wedding!

"Well, if you must know, I couldn't sleep. I was feeling very humiliated, upset and angry that my husband had left me in the middle of the night only leaving me a freaking note!" the girls all gasped while Jasper's eyes widened again.

"Yeah, I know, and that's not even the worst part! The worst part is that he left on our wedding night! He 'did his duty' then left while I was sleeping!" I raged, the distant feelings of hurt and betrayal were surfacing.

"Oh my God! What a prick!" said Alice. I smiled at her apt description (especially since she was the current Mrs. Whitlock. Actually….) and turned my sinister smile on Jasper who was looking _very _uncomfortable.

"You aren't a virgin?!" yelled Edward out of nowhere. Everyone turned to look at him.

I raised my eyebrows. "No. Is that a problem? Am I less in your eyes? Am I dirty and used because my unfaithful husband 'did his duty' and left me?" Rosalie looked furiously at Edward, suprising me with the protectiveness she apparently seemed to feel for me, as if daring him to say that I was now 'less.'

"What?! No! That isn't what I meant…I was just shocked. I'm sorry Bella, I truly didn't mean anything by it." Apologized Edward.

"It's fine, love, I know you didn't mean it," I told him. He smiled when I called him 'love.'

"But what you need to know is that my husband was…." I trailed off as my attention was captured on a brilliant sparkle on Alice's left hand. At first I thought it was just the sun on her skin but then I realized that it was a ring. Without thinking I reached out and snatched her left hand, pulling it toward me so that I could look more closely at what appeared to be her wedding ring. I had never seen her wearing it before. Odd.

Everyone was startled when I grabbed Alice's hand but she didn't move her hand thinking that I was admiring her ring. Well I was….sorta.

Jasper, however, had gone very _very _still when I had reached for the ring.

"Alice? Is this your wedding ring?" I asked. "It's very beautiful…old, too. How come I've never seen you wear it?"

"Oh! Well thank you Bella! I actually wear it on a chain during school because it would be suspicious for me to be wearing a wedding band," she replied happily, also admiring the ring.

"Of course, of course. How silly of me. Um, Alice… Jasper gave you that ring, right?" I asked. I was almost positive that this was MY ring but I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely sure.

"Yes. He actually used it to join the confederate army! Isn't that romantic? See, one if the smaller diamonds is missing because he pulled it out to sell! I've never replaced it because then it would lose its..it's _je nais se quoi_, you know? It was his grandmothers."

My eye twitched at the word 'grandmother' and I had full out flinched when Alice told me that Jasper had pawned off one of the diamonds. What did he do?! Pick it out with a crude hunting knife?! Probably.

While everyone was a bit confused at my reaction (I think they were resigned to being confused now) Jasper and pulled his hands together like he was praying and had turned his face toward the ceiling as if looking for some divine grace to save him. I had one more test to be 100 percent positive that it was my ring and if it was, no freaking 'divine grace' was going to save him.

On the inside of the band my great grandmother's last name, _my _last name, Mayfield, was inscribed. Jasper knew this and that's why when I asked Alice, "That _is _so romantic!I actually have a degree in antiquities, do you think I could take a look at the ring?" he yelled "NO!" startling us all. But I knew it. It was my ring.

Alice gave Jasper a look that clearly said 'it's my ring and I'll show it to whomever I want' Ha! _Her _ring?!

"Here Bella."

"Um, uh, a-are you sure? I-I mean it's pretty old and m-maybe you sh-sh-shouldn't….ahh" he trailed off as Alice placed the ring in my palm. Now everyone was staring incredulously at Jasper because vampires _do not _stutter.

"Hmm…still have that stutter J-Jazzy S-s-spaz-zzy? You think that would go away with age…or being turned…" I murmured absently and I knew that if vampires could, Jasper would be blushing. He stuttered as a kid and when he started taking up the habit of ruining _all _my dresses, I took up the slightly cruel habit of stuttering when I was around him. He stop around age 12 but in tense situations it would make a comeback.

I gently held up the ring and looked at the inside and…there it was:

_~Mayfield~_

I looked at Jasper with wide eyes. There was no denying it now. I handed Alice MY ring calmly and without even looking at her. My seemingly non-reaction made Jasper flinch which would have been hilarious at any other time considering that he looked like a battle-hardened soldier. I think I might've been in shock.

Oh. My. God.

The ring, _my wedding ring, _that I had been thinking about for over a century and a half was on someone else's finger?!

"Jasper Franklin Whitlock…" I said dangerously.

"Franklin?" snorted Emmett quietly.

"Yes?" he answered cautiously.

"You. _You…._" I couldn't get the words out, I was so angry.

"Uh, Isa- I, I mean _Bella _this isn't, you know…just calm down," he finished firmly and I began to feel calmer. He must've been doing this to me and Edward must've figured it out because he said, "I don't know if you should be using your power right now, Jazz, she looks pretty angry…"

Jasper shot Edward a betrayed look and I, having had my rage doubled, threw off whatever influence Jasper had on me. Now he looked afraid.

"YOU! JASPER WHITLOCK YOU GAVE HER MY RING?!" I screamed before I lunged at his throat.

**oOoOoOo**

**Whew! Another not-quite-a cliffy but there is still more to come! Mwahaha what will happen when the other Cullens realize that Alice's wedding ring is Bella's wedding ring…to Jasper! Leave me with your thoughts because they make me want to update faster! Also, the title for the 1****st**** chapter: He's Alive! Was supposed to be more like: He's Alive!? But it wouldn't include the question mark.**

**I have another question: when you visit the Traffic Section on your account, what are hits and what are visitors. If this is a stupid question, sorry, but I can't figure it out. Any answers would be tremendously helpful.**

**Thank you to **renesmeeblack333**, **abbiexcx1996x**, **Courtney**, **Sea of Topaz**, **RedFloridaGurl**, **kombikarlz**, **X-Gena-X**, **ImaginationStation**, **cookiemonsteryum**, **lovetoread87**, **phoenixflamemarauder**, **Dana Rose**, **justinewhitlock4eva**, **gabzCoatz**, **TrustingMyself** and **xAngelxofxthexnightx **for the reviews!! You guys rock and keep up the good work! Reviews inspire me!**

**REVIEW!!**

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	3. Is It Too Soon To Plot My Revenge?

**DISCLAIMER: still not owning **_**Twilight. **_**Duhhhh…**

**oOoOoOo**

**Jasper's POV **

When she lunged at me I just reacted instinctively. I mean, how many years had I fought in that godforsaken army for Maria? I knew how to fight vampires and despite being, well, scared shitless of the rage that Bella was directing at me, I immeadiately flew to the side, out of her reach.

By now everyone else had sprung into action and both Edward _and _Emmett were physically restraining Bella while Alice was ranting to Rosalie and Esme. She also looked unbelievably angry…damn. Carlisle was just looking at the scene bewilderedly.

"BASTARD! YOU RUN OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH **MY **FAMILY'S RING BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO CHEAP TO BUY YOUR OWN AND THEN YOU _PAWN OFF ONE OF THE DIAMONDS! _**THEN **YOU WENT AND **GAVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE WHILE TELLING THAT PERSON THAT IT WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S!?!? **DO I _LOOK _LIKE YOUR NANA?!" Bella was screeching at the top of her lungs and it was quite painful for everyone in the general vicinity because we all had super sensitive hearing.

Edward was trying to calm her down by whispering nothings in her ear (which was pointless because we still all heard them anyway) and he had succeeded to an extent. Bella was no longer struggling with Edward and Emmett and had stopped screaming, but had apparently decided to focus all her attention on giving me a heated glare in the hopes that I would burst into flames.

I decided to stick up for myself a bit seeing as Bella had stopped screaming.

"LOOK! Isa- oh for Christ's sake, _Bella, _I thought you were dead, okay?! I mean, what are the chances of you also being changed into a vampire? Low! The chances are ridiculously low and I gave Alice that ring because it was special to me! If I had known you were alive I wouldn't have given her the damn ring!" I defended.

Bella was shaking her head angrily before saying lowly, "What was so special about the ring to you?"

I was completely thrown by the question and answered instantly without thinking, "Alice told you. I used that ring to join the Confederate Army." What did she expect me to say?

Immediately a disgusted look came to her face while all the men, excluding myself, in the room winced at my answer. Alice seemed to have a temporary 'Aww' look on her face (which I was grateful for), Rosalie looked disbelievingly at me like I was an idiot and Esme spared me a sympathetic glance before turning to look at Bella.

"What?" I asked, not understanding what I had said to garner such reactions.

"Jasper-" Bella started before swallowing thickly and starting over.

"Jazz…I, I know that we certainly didn't love each other, actually, we pretty much loathed one another, but I knew you my _whole life _and while I _certainly _wasn't attracted to you… deep down I loved you like an annoying brother or cousin. We spent all of our time alive together, and the most important thing about that ring is that you used it to join the army?!" she asked slightly hysterically.

I could feel the shame and regret of my answer, multiplying buy ten with each word she had spoken. I never knew that I had meant that much to her; we were always fighting and acting like we hated each other. I felt a million times worse when she whispered,

"Didn't I mean _anything _to you?"

Oh jeez.

Why am I such a horrible person? Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and even Alice looked like they wanted to kill me. Carlisle and Esme just looked disappointed which was worse than if they had been angry. I had three options:

1.) Use my power to make everyone so calm and mellow that if anyone unexpectedly stopped by our house they would think we were all high. Possibility.

2.) Tell everyone that I was sorry and go brood/mope somewhere quiet….like the attic. Also a possibility.

3.) Tell everyone that I was sorry but instead of leaving to brood/mope I could follow them around and beg for their forgiveness. Especially Alice, I _do not _want an angry wife….oh hell.

Alice. Wife. Bella. Ring. Married….me….damn.

**oOoOoOo**

**Alice's POV**

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I'm wearing someone _else's _ring! It's a hand me down from another girl! I **know **Jasper had money when he married me! He could've _easily _just bought me a different ring but _**no **_he gave me his 'grandmother's' ring because it was _special. _HA! I could deal with it being his grandmother's ring, that _is _special but it WASN'T! It belonged to his WIFE!

……

WIFE?!?!

**oOoOoOo**

**Emmett's POV**

Holy crap. 'Nough said. Seriously, who knew that something like _this _was going to happen today? It's not like any of us can see the future! I was hoping that we could play football today, _something _to alleviate the boredom…but this is just…frickin' hilarious!

Who would have thought that Edward's "human" girlfriend who was actually a vampire?! Crazy, I know! And _then _it turns out that she knows Jasper from when they were alive! And they were married! HOLY CRAP THEY ARE MARRIED! HAHAHAH!

**oOoOoOo**

**Rosalie's POV**

I can't believe this! My _brother _never told any of us that he was married while he was alive! We all told him about out pre-vampire lives! I know they were only married for a day but come on! How do you forget stuff like that?! YOU DON'T!! So he was lying to us! Poor Alice…her husband is married to another woman…who hates him…because asshole #1 gave wife #2 wife #1's ring! Does that mean that wife #2 isn't _really _wife #2 because wife #1 never died?!

This is bloody ridiculous.

**oOoOoOo**

**Esme's POV**

JASPER FRANKLIN WHITLOCK HALE CULLEN! I cannot _believe _that boy had the _nerve _to give his wife's wedding ring to someone else… his current wife! If I could, I would put that boy over my knee and teach him a lesson! He has obviously forgotten the manners that he learned as a child, like do not lie to your parents about already being married, or do not MARRY someone when you are ALREADY married!!

Oh, dear. He is already married. This will not end well. If a fight ensues, they had _better _take it outside because I _just _redid the living room! The man at the furniture store already thinks I'm strange enough. I mean, he probably wonders how many coffee tables one person needs. Well, with the boys, _a lot._

**oOoOoOo**

**Carlisle's POV**

Well, this is certainly turning out to be an interesting day. I thought it was strange enough that Edward wanted to introduce us to his human girlfriend. Oh, if only it had been that simple. Heck, even if we had some psycho nomadic vampire bent on killing a human Bella in an, I don't know, _ballet studio, _or something equally ridiculous, it _still _would not be as insane as today turned out to be.

Lord, give me strength. I just _know _that tonight is going to be a long night. Esme will be ranting my ears off tonight about Jasper's lack of manners and, oh god, if a fight breaks out I will _never _hear the end of it! I will spend the rest of the furniture salesman's life hearing about all of the "looks" he gives Esme. I mean, it's not _that _strange to buy 17 coffee tables in two years is it? Okay, that sounded bad.

There really isn't anything to do but _try _to keep the peace. Good luck to me.

**oOoOoOo**

**Edward's POV **

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breath- oh for the love of god!! These damn breathing exercises DON'T WORK!! I know I'm a vampire, hence, I don't _need _to breathe, but I really, really, need to calm down or I'm going to widow my girlfriend.

ANY SEMBLENCE OF CALM I HAD IS NOW GONE!!!

_Widow _my _girlfriend?! _How wrong does that sound? **Very **wrong. I mean, it's not like I'm competing with a past boyfriend, or even an ex-husband. The husband that I'm competing against is **currently** married to the woman I'm trying to win!! They've been married since before I was born!

Oh, jeez. Now I'm into older women?!

Well, I guess that is actually a relief because I'm pretty sure that 108 year old beings cannot date 17 year old girls. Especially if said 108 year old being is technically dead.

Okay, just calm down. I'm no longer a pervert for dating someone 91 years younger than me. And alive. I'm just a 108 year old vampire who belongs to a veggitarian coven and my 'brother' was married to my girlfriend 40 years before I was born…why is my life so messed up?

At least I was 17, almost 18 when I was turned…Bella had only just turned 16.

And we are back to being a pervert.

Well, a year and a half is better than 91, right?

So now I have to figure out what the hell I'm going to do about this…_situation. _That's one way to describe it anyway.

Look on the bright side Edward, at least she isn't going to fall in love with a werewolf. She already has two vampires to deal with. One of which she is married to…who is not me…

Welcome back depression. I missed you for the two seconds that hope was visiting.

**oOoOoOo**

**Bella's POV**

I seriously can't even deal with this right now!! Why are my emotions going haywire?! First I was sneaky and vindictive, then I was furious (still am) but then the major emotion was…_sadness? _What? Why in the hell was I sad? I mean, _sure _those things that I said were true but it's not _that _big of a deal, right?....

Right?!?

Okay, I majorly need to calm down. If only breathing exercises worked on vampires.

Edward looks like he is going to have a fit, and Alice looks like she is contemplating murder…if it's Jasper's I'll let her deal with it in peace…from the sidelines…with a video camera.

Rosalie looks…bored. Well, she was angry earlier. I guess her emotion for the day is spent. Now she is looking at her reflection in a decorative spoon. I bet the image isn't even distorted. How would one manage that?....Focus!!

Emmett is laughing. Wow. Thank you for the support Emmett, I really appreciate your serious attitude at a time like this. _Hello_ sarcasm.

Esme also looks mad…but for some reason seems to be triple checking every surface in the living room…and is now taking the coffee table into the garage? What? Wait, she's muttering "Safe. Gotta keep it safe." Umm, okaaaayyyy Esme. You just, you just do your own thing.

Carlisle has a bible?! What is doing reading a bible at a time like this?!

And finally Jasper….

…Oh Jasper, I'm getting my ring back, and you are _so _going to pay.

Is it too soon to plot my revenge?

Nah.

**oOoOoOo**

**Woo! Another chapter completed! I know that this was sort of a filler chapter, but I felt like this was the perfect place to stop. Now we can get ready for the retrieval of the ring…which will be easy, right? Mwahaha…we'll see. Also: getting back at Jasper! In the reviews that all of you wonderful readers will hopefully read, leave suggestion of what you want Bella (and Alice?) to do to Jazzy Spazzy.**

**From the reviews that I got, it seems like people really hate Jasper for being such an ass. Well, he WAS an ass, but remember, he was only 17 and he didn't really want to marry Bella either, not that that justifies him stealing her wedding ring.**

**When he gave the ring to Alice in the 1950's (according to me), he thought that Bella was long dead and he **_**did **_**say that the ring held a special importance for him, even if his stupid male brain didn't come up with the right answer (no offense to any male readers =))**

**So, Emmett and Rose are basically the same as they are in the book, as is Alice (except for the seeing-the-future thing). Carlisle is just resigned and wants to keep any figurative bloodshed from happening. Esme is slightly neurotic but you gotta love her. Bella is definitely OOC but I like her better this way, hence why I wrote her this way. Edward has issues, but what else is new? I love him (****Team Edward all the way!****) but he has issues. Jasper is sorry that his foot is always in his mouth (around Bella)…and his hands? He **_**did **_**give away that ring so yeah, he has his foot in his hand.**

**Well, now that that ridiculously long Author's Note is done, on to the thank yous!**

**Thanks a bunch to **Dana Rose**, **xAngelxofxthexnightx**, **Tomboy Amy**, **gabzCoatz**, **Michaylalove**, **lover95**, **sweetalk979**, **LindseyRae**, **renesmeeblack333**, **ridah**, **Kathy Hiester**, **Jadecus**, **EveyWhitlock**, **phoenixflamemarauder**, **TwilightLoverForeves.**, **lovetoread87** and **ImaginationSation** for the great reviews!! You guys rock!**

**Click the Button! I don't know what you want, but I know I want you to!**


	4. Operation Orange Llama

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**** I am ****SOOOOOO**** Sorry that I took so long to update but honestly, I'm such a lazy bum. I have 2 books for summer reading that I'm trying to convince myself to read but so far the only work I've done is sharpen my procrastination skills. Oh well. Anyway, I'll ****try**** to be more consistent with updates but I'm not promising anything. Now, onto the story!!**

**DISCLAIMER: Guess what! I didn't own **_**Twilight **_**before but I do now! Stephenie Meyer really sucks at poker…I wish lol.**

**oOoOoOo**

**The Girls**

Esme, Bella, Alice and Rosalie were all sitting around the coffee table, (Esme had put it back in the living room after they had kicked all of the guys out of the house) discussing what they were going to do now.

"I don't care what we do, but Jasper is in some serious need of a butt-whooping," said Rosalie, who looked rather excited at the thought of causing Jasper pain.

"I know. I still can't get over the fact that he just _left _you. Just like that. I don't know what I would've done if that had been me…gosh, it must've been _so _embarrass-" Alice was cut off by Bella sharply saying, "Thank you, Alice. Yes it was." It was obvious she didn't want to go into it.

"Er, sorry, Bella. You know I didn't mean it like that," said Alice.

"I know. Don't worry about it, it was a _long _time ago," Bella assured her.

"Alright. If we're done with the heartwarming hallmark moment, can we get back to the plan?" asked Rose impatiently.

"Holy crap, Miss Sunshine. Chill, if I didn't know better I'd say it was your time of the month." Said Bella. When Rose growled at her Bella just raised her eye brows at her with a "did-you-just-growl-at-me look." Before things could get out of hand Esme cut in smoothly saying, "Calm down girls. We don't need dissention among the ranks. This is war."

Rosalie, Alice and Bella all looked at Esme shocked. She was really getting into this whole "revenge on the male species (especially Jasper)" thing.

"Okay, okay, calm down Esme. Alright, should we go for outright physical pain or severe embarrassment?" asked Rose.

"Well, it's pretty hard to embarrass a vampire, especially Jasper because he could make everyone else feel the same way…but he is also affected by people's emotions so we could use that to our advantage. As for physical pain…_can _you hurt a vampire short of killing them? I know that he is a supreme ass but I don't want to _kill _him," said Alice worriedly.

"We could take off him arms, that might hurt," muttered Bella. She said it quietly but they all heard her anyway.

"_NO _we aren't going to rip off Jazz's appendages!" shrieked Alice.

"Calm down! Jeez it was just a suggestion!" defended Bella.

"So that leaves embarrassment…plus, if we can't get him embarrassed, which I doubt, then we can always ruin his stuff or make him eat food," offered Rosalie.

"Perfect," said Esme while smirking. She could be scary when she wanted.

"So Alice, what does Jasper hate more than anything?" asked Rose but Bella answered before Alice even opened her mouth.

"The Union. And me, maybe."

"Hmm… he also despises the color orange and llamas… I don't know why," said Alice when Bella started cracking up.

"I…know…why," Bella wheezed out between giggles. "Well, I know why he hates llamas, but the orange this is unknown."

"Ooh! Ooh! Tell us! Tell us! I've been asking him for _years _and he won't tell me. All he says is "it is better left unknown" which I _know _ translates to "I will never tell because I could never live with the shame and/or embarrassment that is tied with the knowledge of the story and you can ask all you want but my resolve is firm" said Alice.

"Wow." Commented Rosalie. "You got all of _that _just from "it is better left unknown"?"

"Yes." Alice answered defensively.

Sensing an argument between the two girls, Esme quickly cut in saying, "Bella, why don't you tell us why Jasper hates llamas? I'm sure that it would be valuable information."

"Sure Esme, I'd love to," replied Bella looking like she really _would _love to tell this probably horrifically embarrassing story about Jasper.

_-Flashback_

"_Hurry up Isabella! All the tickets will be sold by the time we get there!" yelled a 13 year old Jasper Whitlock._

"_I'm _coming _Jazzy! Sheesh! Don't have a cow. And stop calling me Isabella!" I yelled after him._

_After we bought our tickets we headed to the 'Amazing and Exotic Foreign Animal Center'. When we got a look at the 'amazing' and 'exotic' animals, I scoffed in disdain. Since when were _llamas_ exotic? _

"_Ugh, Jasper, this is stupid. Let's go to the Hall of Mirrors," I pleaded._

"_Hold on. I wanna look at the llamas for a bit," _

"Why?? _They aren't even interesting! Please let's go!" I whined. The llamas really smelled and I was practically gagging on the stench coming from the tiny pen._

"_Leave if you want Isabella, I'm going to get a closer look," said Jasper at he climbed over the simple waist-high wooden fence into the stinky llama pen._

_I looked around quickly for any…llama trainers ('Is that what they're called?' I wondered idly before snapping back to attention) There didn't seem to be any llama trainers around, but they could come back at any moment and, being the responsible one, needed to get Jasper out of that pen NOW!_

"_Jasper Franklin! What in the world do you think you're doing! Get away from those dirty llamas RIGHT NOW!!" I threatened in a loud whisper. I didn't want someone to hear me screaming._

"_Calm down Isabella. It's fine, see?" Jasper walked toward a llama casually while throwing a condescending smirk over his shoulder at me. _

"_It's not fine! You aren't allowed to be in there! And for the love of God, STOP calling me Isabella!!"_

_Jasper just smirked at me as he picked up some loose grass from the ground and held his hand out to the llama._

"_You'll get diseases Jasper! Don't put your hand near its mouth! Hey wait! Is that your left hand? JASPER!! No! Look at the ring!!" I screamed but it was too late._

_-End Flashback_

"I don't get it," said Alice. "Why does that make him hate llamas? And what was going on with the ring?"

Bella smirked rather evilly before saying, "Jasper seems to have a talent when it comes to being a total jackass when wedding rings are involved."

"No!" gasped Esme, Rosalie and Alice as one.

"Yes! That morning Nana Whitlock had pulled Jasper aside and 'entrusted her beloved and only grandson with her deceased husband's wedding band, because the memories were too much for her.' That's what Nana said anyway. So Jasper, being the arrogant snot that he was at 13, accepted the ring. It was really loose on his hand because his fingers were so much smaller than his grandfather's. He put the ring on. On his left hand. The hand that fed the llama,"

"Oh. My. God. I am never letting him near a jewelry store ever again. He will probably cause it to blow up," said Alice.

Rosalie, meanwhile, was cackling like a mad woman with Esme, who managed to say through her giggles, "T-thank God Jasper doesn't have that s-same problem with coffee tables! I d-don't know _what_ I'd d-do if he was always destroying my precious c-coffee tables! Well, more so than usual."

Bella and Rose stopped laughing and they, along with Alice turned to Esme to give her a slightly apprehensive look.

"What?!" demanded Esme defensively.

"Nothing…" answered Bella cautiously, not wanting to offend Esme or her… strange love of coffee tables.

"Anyway, so Jasper fed the llama his grandfather's wedding ring. That's pretty bad but there has to be something else to make the memory stand out after all of these years," said Rose.

"Oh, believe me, _there is. _I just didn't get to that part yet," said Bella ominously.

"WELL?!?! Tell us already!" yelled Alice, running out of patience.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Alright, so you know that Nana Whitlock gave him that ring. The ring of her beloved late husband, the symbol of their love, blah blah blah. Anyway, Nana realized while we were away that she really couldn't be parted from the ring because it had so much sentimental value, so when we got home, she asked Jasper for the ring,"

"This is getting really good," commented Esme to Rose, who nodded her head in agreement.

"Of course, Jasper didn't _have _the ring to give back to her. He was starting to make up some crappy excuse about it being in his room when I decided to get revenge on Jasper for what he had done as we were leaving."

_-Flashback_

"_Ooh Jazzy you are going to be in _sooooo _much trouble!!!" I sang teasingly as we started to walk home. I couldn't believe the idiot had fed the ring to a llama!!_

"_Shut it Isabella! No one has to know what happened! So don't say _anything._" He warned._

"_Um, I think _not. _You aren't the boss of me!" I replied. I hadn't even said not to call me Isabella. It was getting really repetitive. _

"_You _WON'T _say anything _or else!!" _he growled._

"_Ex_cuse_ me?! You can't tell me what to do!" I replied indignantly._

"_Oh yeah? Well watch this!" he yelled._

_-End Flashback_

"So what did he do? You look really mad," said Alice.

"We were walking by a _huge _puddle and he pushed me into it. Ruined _another _one of my dresses. So I thought it was perfectly acceptable to interrupt his pathetic excuses and tell Nana that he fed the ring to a llama," said Bella with a vindictive smirk.

"Hahaha! That is priceless! What happened after that?" asked Rosalie eagerly.

"Well, at first she didn't believe me, but when she asked Jasper and he mumbled "kinda" she was so angry! She pushed him face down on the couch and spanked him 23 times! I was counting because it was probably one of the greatest moments of my life! Jasper hadn't been spanked since he was 7 and this was humiliating and, and, just great!!"

All four of them were cracking up at the thought of a 13 year old Jasper being spanked 23 times but his little old grandmother.

"So, that explains why he hates llamas, and as embarrassing as that is, how are we going to use it?" asked Rose.

"Easy. All we have to do is stick a llama in his room," said Esme.

"Um, how about the yard because I don't want a stinky llama in my room Esme," said Alice.

"He will most likely not want to go near it, after the 'spanking incident' I tried to get him to go to the fair again once more before it left but he wouldn't go. He _ran _from me when I suggested that we see the llamas. So he must still have this psychological fear of being near them. Alice, you're going to have to make him pet it or something," said Bella.

"Oh! Oh wait you guys! I have an _awesome _idea! Okay, you probably don't know this Bella, but Jasper has this Maserati motorcycle that he absolutely _loves_. Anyway, it has a confederate license plate that says "DIXE GUY" We should change it to a Union flag that says "DIXE SUX" and see how long it takes him to notice,"

"Hahah that is brilliant Rose! When do you think you can have the plate ready?"

"Hmm 45 minutes? I know a guy who does this sorta thing and he owes me a favor,"

"Perfect. I'll get the llama. Hey, do you think I dye it orange? We still don't know _why _he hates orange, but that doesn't change the fact that he hates orange. It will add to the freak-out," suggested Alice.

"Mwahaha. This revenge is going to be hilarious. I need to go out and buy a video camera," said Bella while cackling evilly. The other girls gave her an apprehensive glance before shrugging as if to say "Whatever."

"I'm going to hide the coffee table. This sounds like it could get messy and I just saw Peter about 2 months ago. I can't go back too soon,"

"Peter?" three voices asked.

"You know, Peter. Peter Harrison," explained Esme. When she saw three blank stares she sighed before saying, "Peter is the manager at the Pottery Barn in Portland."

"And you're on a first name basis with him?" asked Rosalie.

"Does Carlisle know?" asked Alice.

"There's a Pottery Barn in Portland?" asked Bella.

Alice and Rose gave her 'are-you-kidding-me?' looks while Esme smiled.

"What?! I love Pottery Barn! They have some great stuff in there!"

"I'll take you some time, Bella. I haven't been there in a while. We have to go on a Wednesday at 6:30 though," said Esme.

"Why?"

"The employees have a betting pool for times that I might come in to get a new coffee table. They didn't do date, just day of the week and time. Peter has Wednesday at 6:30 and his wife just had a baby so I want him to win," explained Esme.

"Umm…wow. Okay, that sounds great. But it's kinda freaking me out how much you know about him," said Bella.

"Why?" asked Esme with a blank look.

"Er, never mind. Alright ladies, let's do this thing!"

Rose left to call her license plate guy while Alice went on the internet to buy a llama. Esme, who had to pick up a new sketch pad, volunteered to get Bella a video camera while she was out.

"Thanks Esme!" Bella called as Esme walked outside.

"Um, so what do I do?" asked Bella to no one in particular.

"Plot." Came in answer from Alice and Rosalie at the same time.

"Good idea. Operation 'Orange Llama' is a go!"

**oOoOoOo**

**The Guys**

"Dude. I can't believe you gave Alice your wife's stolen wedding ring. You know the one I'm talking about. The one that you stole. Remember? And then Bella found out. And now she might kill you," said Emmett mock-seriously.

"_Thank _you, Emmett. Yes, I remember. Oh God. What if she does kill me? WHAT IF ALICE KILLS ME?! You know how she feels about hand-me-downs! I'm surprised she took it when I said it was my Nana's!" exclaimed Jasper.

"Haha. You are so dead. I'm afraid of Rose sometimes and I only _one _wife to worry about. You have two. TWO furious, vampire, immortal wives. Who you cannot hide from no matter how hard you try,"

"EMMETT! You. Are. Not. Helping!"

"I know."

"Yeah, poor you Jasper. What are _you _complaining about? _You _get to be married to Bella! I would _kill _to be married to her!" whined Edward.

"Um, you wouldn't actually _kill _me? Right?" asked Jasper nervously.

"No," pouted Edward. "If I did then Alice and Bella would turn their fury on me because they didn't get to kill you themselves and I do _not _want to be on the wrong end of their anger!"

"Thanks." Jasper replied dryly.

"Anyway, so what are you going to do now?" asked Carlisle.

"Pray."

"You are so screwed."

"I know."

**oOoOoOo**

**Yep, so now we know what types of revenge the girls are planning. **_**And **_**why Jasper hates llamas. Haha I added **_**another **_**wedding ring to the story! Didn't see that coming, did ya?**

**A million bajillion thank you's, merci's, grasias's, and danke's (that's all I know off the top of my head. The last one is German but I **_**might **_**have spelled it wrong. Probably did. Sorry if I did!) to everyone who reviewed…EVER.**

**Readers, I'm not exactly sure why Jasper hates orange, give me some ideas as to why he would abhor the color. The crazier the better!**

**Until next time,**

**zoey **

**Click the button! Do it! DO IT!**


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